One of my jobs at work is to manage our bug database. This is the place where we write up and track all of the various problems that are found with the software release that we are working on. Since I am a nit-picky little bastard and write lots of bugs, they put me in charge of the database.
Anyway, today I made a modification to one of the fields in the database and then sent out an e-mail to let everyone know about the change, along with the usual, 'let me know if you have any questions,' line at the end.
So of course, and I totally expected something like this, one of my wise-ass co-workers writes back with a long list of silly questions.
Here they are for your entertainment, along with my off-the-cuff answers.
Q: What is the airspeed velocity of a swallow?
A - African or European?
Q: If ghosts go through walls, why don’t they fall through the floor?
A - They can go through both floors and walls
Q:Why isn’t evaporated milk a gas?
A - Evaporated milk is a powder
Q: Why was it that in all different cultures the men always used to come first and never the women?
A - Because Men are always The Boss
Q: When you feel down, why do people ask what’s up?
A - Because people suck
Q: In horse racing, why do they award the rider and not the horse?
A- The horse's reward is staying out of the glue factory for another day
Q: If insects are so obsessed with bright lights, why don’t they fly off to the sun?
A - Because the bugs that like lights, like moths for example come out at night. The sun is not out at night dumass
Q: What happens if you die in your dream?
A - Let me know if you find out.
Q: Why do people more commonly skip breakfast than any other meal, considering that this is the time when the stomach is emptiest?
A - Because they don't want to get fired for being late to work. If they did they'd have a hard time buying dinner.
Q: If same-sex couples could marry, what would happen to their surnames?
A - They would be hyphenated
Q: How are children supposed to take medicine if it’s meant to be kept out of their reach?
A - This is where adults come in
Q: Why do people talk about ‘girlie’ things but never ‘boyie’ things?
A - Because 'boyie' sounds stupid
Q: If you sneezed on a computer, would it get a virus?
A - Depends if it's running Windows or not. If it's running Windows, chances are it already has a virus.
Q: Can you dream of having a dream?
A - Yes
Q: Why do we close doors and windows to reduce noise, considering that sound travels better through solids?
A - I didn't get that one. Your giant solid head is blocking the sound
Q: If Pinocchio said, “My nose is about to grow”, what would happen?
A - Disney would come out with another sequel
Q: What did the designer of the drawing board go back to when his/her original design was a failure?
A - The kitchen table
Q: What sort of a vehicle did those huge 800lb tires that are used in the World’s Strongest Man contests come off?
A - Monster trucks
Q: Why do we hang our clothes on a washing line and not a drying line?
A - We always just called it 'the line'. Actually it's a rope.
Q: Why do ‘a fat chance’ and ‘a slim chance’ mean the same thing?
A - They don't mean the same thing. It's complicated.
Q: Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
A - Because you might have a cold and have poor hygene
Q: Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
A- Because it is spelled using lots of letters
Q: Why are there seeds in seeded grapes, but no bones in a boned fillet?
A - That question makes no sense
Q: When people go mental, why do they get physically violent?
A - Because they're out of their fucking minds
Q: Why do we never hear of people coming from ‘left west’ or ‘right east’?
A - Because those things don't exist.
Q: What is an occasional table the rest of the time?
A - A regular table
Q: If you get a beer belly by drinking beer, do you get a pot belly by smoking pot?
A - No. You get high
Q: Why is Friday 13th considered unlucky, considering that the Last Supper was on Thursday?
A - Superstitious reasons
Q: If you can enjoy yourself, why can’t you enjoy anyone else?
A - Who says you can't enjoy anyone else?
Q: What would a burger of ham be called?
A - Minced
Q: If dawn breaks, does dusk come together?
A - No. Dusk fades
Q: Why does ‘dyslexia’ have to be so hard to spell?
A - Just to make things more difficult. Life sucks sometimes.
Q: If you think you’re a hypochondriac, then are you one or not?
A - Defietely.
Q: If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
A - You are a successfull failure. Congratulations.
