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Thursday, October 05, 2006

My nemisis, the snack machine...

Usually when I go to the snack machine at work, I get a bag of peanut M&M's. I would love to get a bag of regular peanuts, or maybe some peppermint patties, because they are less fattening, but those items are located on a row in the machine has not worked for months.

The low-fat snacks sit there, tantalizing you, making you want them, but they are unselectable. No matter how many times you press D-5, D-5, D-5 on the machine key pad, you just get a mocking, 'BEEP' and an 'Invalid Selection' on the machine's display window.

So, in an attempt to make some kind of healthy snack selection, as opposed to, say a can of soda and a bag of chips, I usually get the peanut M&M's. That way I can at least tell myself that I'm getting the peanut factor, since peanuts are supposedly good for you. Granted they are chocolate coated peanuts, but it's the thought that counts.

Today I went to visit my nemesis, the snack machine, and as usual, like some kind of sadist, I tried to get the plain bag of peanuts, even though I knew that the machine would sit there and laugh at me internally, giving me the 'BEEP' 'Invalid Selection', which I think is machine language for 'Fuck you dick'.

After a few tries at the peanuts, I sighed defeatedly and went for the peanut M&M's, but I was not paying attention as I pressed the buttons and I fat fingered the keypad. I had pressed the wrong number combo!

'OH NO!' I thought, 'I'm gonna wind up with Good N' Plenty or some horrid thing like that!'

I anxiously watched the snack machine window, waiting to see what would fall into the bin. It was a bag of chocolate M&M's. Oh, the irony. You vindictive snack machine. I hate you.

'Bitch!' I spat, cursing the machine out under my breath as I walked away with a bag of fat pellets in hand.

Was it a Freudian slip perhaps? Did my subconscious really want the chocolate M&M's and make me 'accidentally' press the wrong buttons on purpose? Or was it just another case of the vending machine playing fuck fuck with me...

We'll never know, but I ate the chocolate M&M's anyway.


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