mr. blackandwhite

Ka-Ching!

Dear Bank of America,

Fantastic news! As a taxpaying U.S. citizen, I recently had a major windfall occur and I became a part owner of not only an investment firm, a bank AND a mortgage company, but now I'm a part owner of an insurance company as well! Isn't that awesome??

Ok, enough about me, here's where it all comes together: I couldn't help but notice that you're in a buying mood lately, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in my newly acquired shares of these fine financial institutions as well. I'll trade ya what I've got in Fannie, Freddie and AIG straight up for the remaining balance of my mortgage. Heck, I'll throw in what I've got in Bear Stearns too.

What do you say?? It's a win win win for everybody all around! Let's make a deal baby!!

Just between you and me, I gotta tell ya, I think the poop's well on it's way towards the fan and I'd really like to get rid of this thing before something really bad happens, ya know? hahaha ;-)

Ok, thanks BOA!

Chat ya soon!

Is this wierd or am I just a dick?

There is a small gym at work that I work out in every day during my lunch break.

The last few days there has been a guy in there running full tilt on the treadmill while wearing his regular work clothes. We're talking regular work pants and shirt, sweating up a storm. What is up with that?

I can't help but wonder, doesn't this guy own a pair of gym shorts? Can't he at least change into a t-shirt? What the hell?

After this guy finishes on the treadmill he goes over to the universal machine and does a few reps on the weights, then walks out the door. Done. No change of clothes, no shower, no deodorant. Nothing. That is fucked.

He seems like a nice enough guy, but to me that behavior is just wierd. What do you think? Yes? No? Is working out in your regular work clothes and then walking around in them the rest of the day considered ok? Unless you are Jack Bauer and you are chasing after terrorists all day, I have to say no. Plus, I gotta think that's just gotta be uncomfortable, walking around in your sweaty swamp-ass work clothes after you just ran in them for 30 minutes...

There are a lot of people at the office that exhibit what I would call, 'strange behavior' so maybe it is just me. I don't know. All I can say is, thankfully I don't have to work in the same area with that guy afterwards...

recently noticed...

I asked my wife some questions about some recently noticed odd behavior:

- If you park in a handicapped spot, but put your hazard lights on, does that make it o.k.?

A: No.

- A bunch of people in my office have built mountains of empty soda cans on their desks. They are literally surrounded by a pile of cans about 8 cans deep and 6 cans tall. Is there some kind of geek status derived from the amount of empty soda cans you can surround yourself with on your desk?

A: I don't know. Is that like beer cans but with soda? To me that's pretty stupid.

- While driving, if you look in your rear view mirror and notice that there is a mile of cars trailing behind you waiting to pass, yet you refuse to move over, are you doing some kind of public service by making us all drive below the speed-limit?

A: I gotta say No.

Thanks dear!

In other news, I finally got my iPod back from Apple today. It took exactly 6 weeks for them to send me a new, (read: refurbished,) iPod.

I'm just glad it's back. I've already been yelled at to turn that damned music down... I felt like I was back living at my Mom's house.

I just don't get it...

Today on the way to work, there were not one, but two accidents / fender benders / whatever you want to call them, where the cars were stopped in the hammer lane. No one was hurt, no twisted metal and wreckage, just 2 cars sitting in the far left lane while people exchanged insurance papers and looked at their bumpers to see if there was a scratch. I know these details because instead of speeding by them at 75 MPH as I would normally do if they were in the breakdown lane, I crawled by them at 3 miles per hour since they were blocking the passing lane of a major highway.

I was pissed off and annoyed when I encountered the first one, but then when I encountered a second accident with people standing around exchanging info in the passing lane, I actually suprised myself because I did not think that even someone as fluent in the F-Word as I am I could string that many F-bombs together in one sentence.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY do people stop in the middle of the highway when they have a fender bender?? WHHHYYYYYYYY!!!??? JEZUS! As if my commute is not long enough, you've got to tack another 1/2 hour to it with your idiot-ness?? WHAT THE FUCK!

Ok. Vent over.

Just a few quick suggestions...

When you're returning something at Home Cheapo, don't give the person at the return desk a  mangled box that is held together with masking tape and looks like it fell of the back of a truck going 80 MPH and then be surprised if that person needs to ask the returns department manager what to do with it. Also, when they ask you if you have your sales receipt, have it.

If you're out for a walk with your children and you're pushing a baby in a carriage, if there is a sidewalk available to walk on, use it, as opposed to walking in the middle of the street. I know, it might sound a little crazy, but give it a try...

I hope you find these suggestions helpful!

Always be nice no matter what...

I happened to wear my Red Sox pullover jacket with the 'Two Sox' logo to work today

and as I was walking down the hall, a person that I did'nt know stopped and said to me, "Nice L."

"Huh?" I had no idea what this guy was talking about and it must have shown on my face because he then pointed to the Sox logo on my jacket and said, "On your shirt, the Sox look like an 'L'... for Loser."

I thought to myself, "Ok this guy must be some a-hole Yankees fan," but not wanting to pay a visit to the HR Department for a talk about my demeanor, which is not fun by the way, I put on my best fake smile and played along...

"Well they did win the Series! (Fake)Ha ha! (Fake)chuckle!"

"Yeah," he went on with a smile, "I just wanted to be the first person to give you some shit. I'm from Detroit."

Now I'm more confused than ever. While concentrating on maintaining my fake smike, I thought to myself, "This guys a Tigers fan and he's giving me shit after the Sox finally won the Series? Don't The Tigers SUCK? Fuck yeah they do! He's probably a Lions fan too. I wonder if he'll ask me about The Pats next..."

"(Fake) Ha ha! Yeah, well, that's pretty funny," I said. "Talk to you later! (You fuckin' fuck-tard)"

Thankfully he then disengaged and we both headed our seperate ways.

The Sox beat the Yankees in a meaningless game today. 5 Days till it counts.